We all want to be strong self-sufficient individuals, to feel mature in our decisions and wise in life situations.
When I work with people about this, I see how different notions of maturity and self-sufficiency exist. And they are all, in their own way, true.
Let’s consider a clearer definition of a mature personality, which was given by A. Maslow.
More adequate perception of reality, free from the influence of current needs, stereotypes, prejudices, interest in the unknown.Acceptance of oneself and others as they are ( my favourite), the absence of artificial , predatory forms of behaviour and the rejection of such behaviour on the part of others.Spontaneity of manifestation, simplicity and naturalness.Business orientation. Such people are usually preoccupied not with themselves but with their life’s task. They usually relate their activities to universal values and tend to view them from the perspective of eternity rather than the current moment. Therefore, they are all philosophers to some extent. ( yes!)A position of detachment towards many events. This helps them to bear troubles relatively calmly and be less influenced by outside influences. They are often prone to loneliness.Autonomy and independence from the environment, resilience under the influence of frustrating factors.Freshness of perception: finding something new in what is already known.Ultimate experiences characterised by a sense of disappearance of the self.A sense of community with humanity as a whole.Friendship with other self-actualising people: a narrow circle of people with whom relationships are very deep. No hostility in interpersonal interactions.Democracy in relationships. Willingness to learn from others.Strong internal moral standards. Sharp sense of right and wrong: goal-orientated, and means are always subordinate to them.A “philosophical” sense of humour. A humorous attitude to life in general and to oneself, but one’s inferiority or adversity is never considered funny.Creativity that is independent of what one does and is evident in all one’s actions.Critical attitude towards the culture to which they belong: good things are chosen, bad things are rejected. They feel more representative of humanity as a whole than of one culture.
In his book “Psychological Types” C.G. Jung distinguishes 8 types of people based on the attributes of veracity (introversion and extraversion), rationality and irrationality, as well as 4 functions of the psyche (thinking, feeling, intuition and sensation). Two of these functions are strictly rational (thinking and feeling), i.e. perceiving information from outside in accordance with the preliminary setting for a certain perception, and two are irrational (intuition and feeling), perceiving information directly, without preliminary setting. But each of four functions of a psyche can be both extroverted and introverted, proceeding from what types 8 are allocated, and to each of them there corresponds the certain basic function of a psyche. It is difficult to memorise this now, but just try to visualise this division.
Jung concluded that it is necessary to outline the boundaries of individual differences between people. Understanding and accepting these differences is important for individualising each unique personality and developing respect for each person’s typological characteristics.
Typology is a kind of map of personality, by which it is possible to orientate in strong, conscious and well-controlled functions of the psyche and to highlight those functions that are weakly controlled, archaic and in need of special attention of the person.
1 Trait – Extraversion and introversion.
According to C.G. Jung, people can be divided into introverts and extroverts depending on the attitude of consciousness and its orientation either to the internal process or to the objects of the external world. Unlike Eysenck, Jung did not consider sociability or unsociability to be the main indicator of extraversion and introversion, respectively, because he emphasised a more essential distinguishing feature – where a person’s consciousness and attention is directed, outwards or inwards, what is more important for him – objects of the external world or inner processes of the soul.
Extroverts are characterised by the orientation of consciousness to the objects and processes of the external world. For such a person, the inner process always remains in the background, in the shadow, and he pays much less attention to it, due to which he controls it to a lesser extent than what happens in the external world. The extrovert is attracted to the objects of the external world as if by a magnet, and they dominate him, always having more power and value than what happens in his soul. I.e. an extrovert is a person who always puts the circumstances and changes of the external world in the foreground when choosing the strategy of his actions. For him, the objective is above the subjective, and the collective often prevails over the individual in value.
Introverts, on the contrary, are characterised by their psyche turning to their inner processes. Such people can hardly pay attention to external objects and processes, because subjective for them exceeds objective, and the inner world is always more real and important than the external. An introvert is a person who is completely immersed in contemplation of what is going on in his soul and who refracts all external events through the prism of such perception, emphasising the value of their subjective interpretation. The introverted attitude of consciousness is often mistakenly regarded as egocentric, however, upon closer examination, this opinion turns out to be erroneous, because subjectivity in its purest form is the Self, which is much broader than the individual Ego.
2. Trait – Rationality and Irrationality.
Rational types include the thinking and feeling types, because when perceiving an external object or internal process, they are always guided by a predetermined attitude of consciousness, i.e., they let their perception pass through the prism of a pre-formed bias or perceptual grid. Rational people rely on the values of prudence and consistency in both information processing and decision-making.
To the irrational types Jung includes the intuitive and sensing types, whose perceptions and actions are characterised by direct reactions to changes in external and internal processes. These types have a special sensitivity to direct perception and reaction, i.e. they live outside the framework of the concept of reason, as if going beyond it and relying on their own actual experiences.
Jung identified a Hierarchy of Functions
(leading, auxiliary, tertiary and subordinate functions).
There are a total of 8 functions of consciousness in the human psyche – extroverted and introverted thinking, feeling, sensing and intuition, but they are arranged hierarchically. Jung described 4 functions in their correlation, the description of the other 4 functions was developed by his follower J. Beebe.
According to the hierarchy and conventional location on the map of the psyche, Jung distinguished the following functions:
1) The leading function, which is the most developed, conscious and differentiated function, on the filling and adaptation of which a person spends most of his own resources during the first half of life.
2) Auxiliary function, which, like the leading one, falls into the sphere of consciousness, is quite well differentiated and controlled by the subject, however, this function is already a little more blurred in awareness in comparison with the leading one. The auxiliary function is opposite to the leading one in terms of verticity and the parameter of rationality/irrationality.
3) The tertiary function is the second auxiliary function in relation to the leading one, and it can be compared to the left hand of a right-handed person, because it is only to a small extent subject to realisation and control, if there was no purposeful development of it. The tertiary function is opposite to the auxiliary function in terms of verticity, but coincides with it in terms of rationality/irrationality.
4) The subordinate function is the least differentiated and controlled, but the most archaic function of the psyche. It is rooted in the depths of the collective unconscious and can never be fully integrated, because its full integration would lead to the flooding of consciousness with the unconscious and psychosis. It is opposite to the leading one in terms of verticity, but coincides with it in terms of rationality/irrationality.
The function of feeling is extroverted and introverted feeling.
The feeling function is responsible for recognising, integrating and realising the values relevant to such a person, the source of which is determined by verticity.
Extraverted feeling as a leading function can be recognised by a person’s ability to read and express the core values of the society around them, to conform to them, and to see to it that others conform to these values. What is traditionally valuable to the majority is subtly grasped by an extroverted person for whom these values are significant as their own. The strength of such a person is the ability to quickly grasp the hidden intentions of others and determine their social value, and to coordinate people among themselves, depending on their goals and values. The weakness is deep and structural thinking, the ability to go into the essence of surrounding phenomena in terms of answering the question “what is this given object, what does it represent?”.
For a person with introverted feeling the most significant is the value of internal images arising in his psyche and experienced by him. This person is characterised by a sensitive artistic perception of the surrounding reality with difficulties in expressing the originality and beauty of this outlook. An individual with a leading introverted feeling is characterised by the depth and extremely high intensity of inner experiences, despite the restraint of external emotional manifestations. At the same time, the object from which such a feeling is repelled turns out to be secondary in relation to the reaction it causes. Due to the depth of experience, the introvertedly feeling person is closely connected with the archetypes of the collective unconscious in the feelings that arise in him, and the weakness of such a personality is the lack of control and impartiality in the conduct of affairs related to the outside world.
The function of thinking is extroverted and introverted thinking.
The thinking function is responsible for searching for an answer to the question “what is it?” when encountering objects and phenomena of external and internal reality, and the whole activity of a thinking individual is refracted through such a search process.
Extroverted thinking in the perception of information and productive activity attaches high importance to objective facts, which it considers the basis of any process worthy of attention. Such a person tries to reduce everything he/she encounters to a single scheme, with the help of which he/she further explains all other phenomena. If for some reason something does not fit into this scheme, he tries to the last to change the surrounding world so that it fits into the scheme created by him, because, as an extrovert, he cannot ignore the outside world. The strong side of such a person is the ability to organise social processes and activities with global perspectives, and the weak side is the underestimation of the individual and unique in his theoretical constructions.
Introverted thinking is oriented in its logical process of interpreting reality on the ideas arising from inside his psyche, which are initially very subjective, and only then are applied to the processes of the external world, building up into complete concepts. For such a person it is not so important to what extent the objective world corresponds to his theoretical constructions, but it is important to reach in them to the depth, essence or core of the question. If his constructs do not match the realities of the object world, he would rather ignore the external world and develop his concepts further than try to change it. The strength of such a person is the depth and originality of his theoretical thought, the focus on uncovering the fundamental laws of what is happening with the courage to express the results of this analysis, and the weakness is the lack of social skills and a sense of the ethical situation of the surrounding society, which sometimes puts him in an awkward position.
The function of sensation – extroverted and introverted sensation.
Sensation is a function that emphasises as a basis for adaptation what happens in the surrounding world and one’s own physical experiences, i.e. objects, events and phenomena in their ultimate factuality, concreteness and tangibility.
Extroverted sensation is a function that is directed to a careful evaluation of the facts and the substantive side of the reality of the surrounding world. The perception of the world of such a person is predominantly empirical, and in order to notice something and believe in its existence, he needs to be able to feel this something with his own senses. Extraverted-sensing type carefully notices the details of his surroundings, as if photographing the space in which he is. It is with the help of the senses he most clearly experiences his connection with the world, thanks to which he can become a master of his work in the field associated with material production. The weakness of such a personality is the risk of sinking into a destructive-hedonistic lifestyle in its crude forms.
Introverted sensation is characterised by the individual’s concentration on his or her own internal sensations, which are repelled by the external object. These physical sensations, interpretations of external objects and phenomena with the help of the senses have an exclusively subjective character in the introverted-sensing type and can be completely detached from the specifics of the object that caused them, being filled with the peculiarity of individual perception and changing beyond recognition in the process of interpretation. Outwardly, such a person looks calm, contemplative and even somewhat passive, as the energy of his psyche is directed to the detailed processing of internal sensations that he registers. Such a person lives in the flow of his subjective sensations, keeping close attention to their subtleties, and his weakness is the inability to timely distinguish opportunities and perspectives from the phenomena of the world around him, which makes him vulnerable to unforeseen events.
The function of intuition – extroverted and introverted intuition.
The function of intuition aims at highlighting and contemplating the elusive, invisible, intangible and non-obvious side of reality. The perception of the intuitive function goes beyond the physical world accessible to the senses, concentrating on the reality that lies beyond its cover.
Extraverted intuition is characterised by an endless search for new and promising possibilities in external objects and events. Such a person can become dependent on the opportunities and prospects he sees around him, but his fascination is sometimes characterised by fickleness and jumping from one opportunity to another, because the object is valuable to him only as long as he sees this opportunity in it. If it has already been realised, or there are significant obstacles to its realisation, or there is a more attractive opportunity, the extraverted-intuitive type can easily lose all interest in such an object and go in search of something that is full of dizzying prospects. The strength of this type is the ability to easily find new and unusual, as well as to inspire and energise other people, and the weakness is the inability to take care of himself and his health, which can lead him to exhaustion in the endless escape and search.
Introverted intuition is a function which is directed to the contemplation of deeply subjective inner images of objects, which are repelled by external ones, but reach in their development to the degree of absolute inconsistency with the world of things. This is a person who perceives the elusive, that which has no physical analogues in the world, so he often faces misunderstanding, trying to express his insights and visions in an unusual and irrational language. He lacks logic and consistency to justify his visions, and he broadcasts them as revelation. Of all the types, he is closest to a sense of the pure images of the collective unconscious, and in finding a way to express them he can become a visionary or artistic exponent of his era. His weakness is his lack of connection with his own sensations, which makes it difficult for him to adapt
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine the pain that can come from other people violating your own boundaries. Especially if these people have already occupied not the last place in your life. especially if you remember that personal boundaries, no matter what they are about – sexual, emotional, physical, financial – they are about security. That’s why it’s very difficult to experience it, it’s like a breach of safe space and your psyche goes off siren.
It should be noted that there is almost never a sudden invasion. At first, the person probes your boundaries by various methods – manipulation, devaluation, disguised care, attention, pointing out shortcomings, gaslighting, etc.
A slightly missed unpleasant sensation creates in our memory as a positive experience, you have already allowed it, so you can go on.
The pain from the violation of personal boundaries is felt in the area that has been violated for a long time, and the protective function (boundaries) was built with great difficulty. Where a lot of work on previous negative experience was put, where efforts were applied.
Because painful feelings from the past immediately come to mind.
This pain can only be alleviated by realising through feelings what exactly is scary about what happened. What exactly scares you and what memories or associations come up.
Then you can look at the picture of what happened consciously and gradually the strong emotions will go away. “It is important to remember one very valuable thing – you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They have the right to feel whatever they want about you, your character, responsibilities, appearance, etc., but it is THEIR responsibility to do something about their feelings.
You don’t have to run and stumble around changing yourself or your behaviour to make them feel good, easy, simple and comfortable.
If a person makes you responsible for their feelings, bad moods, experiences – they are manipulating you.”
Person-centred counselling is an approach to counselling that allows the client to feel valued.
Client-centred counselling is based on the work of Carl Rogers, who in the 1950s proposed concepts and terminology that have had a marked influence on social work. According to Rogers, the self develops as a result of the organism’s interaction with the environment. For example, a child has musical ability (the organism), but the parents believe that playing sports is more important and push the child to do so (the Self). In this case, the conflict between the organism and the Self can cause anxiety. Rogers believed that the body seeks to support, develop and fulfil its Self.
Healthy development presupposes harmony between the organism and the Self. However, in its quest for self-actualisation, the organism may do things that are undesirable to others, resulting in censure and deprivation of love. Thus, Rogers’ theory describes the formation of moral principles in the child. The organism strives to realise its potential. This striving is at the heart of human motivation. Limitations caused by heredity and social environment do not prevent the search for self-realisation. In the process, there is an awareness of one’s self, which determines one’s actions and behaviour; preserving one’s self becomes a priority.
Rogers considers the development of the individual in the light of the evaluation by other people, here the following options are possible: positive attitude, i.e. the approval of others; positive attitude itself, the child is able to give himself what he could previously get only from other people; the presence of conditions of value, conditions associated with the attitude, in particular the need to perform certain actions to earn approval and attention; unconditional positive attitude, sincere love and respect regardless of the child’s behaviour. The individual strives to make his or her self consistent with experiences. Experiences that diverge from the self-concept are usually ignored. Non-conformity is perceived as a threat to the self. This threat can be ignored, distorted, or gradually incorporated into self-concepts. The latter strategy can lead to changes in the individual’s behaviour in the phenomenological field. All these processes are not realised by the individual.
Rogers’ views stem from the work of Jung, who stressed the importance of events as a motivator of behaviour; the client-centred approach to psychotherapy takes into account the meaning of behaviour and events for the client. The task of the psychotherapist is to help the client to become aware of their experiences and behaviour in order to eliminate perceptual distortions as a cause of distress. The client sees empathic understanding, sincerity and unconditional positive regard on the part of the therapist, which contributes to personal growth and a sense of self worth. The goal of psychotherapy is to bring about changes in the client’s worldview, followed by changes in behaviour.
Rogers repeatedly formulated his concept in the form of a summary of the main hypotheses. In general, the main theses are as follows:
the human being contains a huge resource for understanding oneself, changing one’s way of existence and behaviour towards greater independence and integration.in a relationship with a particular climate, this potential can be unlocked and utilised for personal growth, ultimately leading to personal change and development.the quality of the relationship is central to the whole therapeutic process.
Necessary and sufficient conditions for psychotherapeutic change.
Rogers’ theory of psychotherapy suggests that psychotherapeutic change occurs within a relationship with a particular climate. These change-promoting relationships are characterised by six ‘necessary and sufficient’ conditions, which are formulated primarily as a way of being with another person, a personal experience arising directly from the relationship (rather than as a set of actions or perceptions). He identified 6 basic conditions of successful work between psychologist and client, on which counselling systems around the world are based.